Hey Sis. I am writing to you on our beloved Day of Thanks. We (Crystal and I) are on our way up to Sonora to visit for a few days. Whenever I get a message from you, I don't have time to respond with anything of substance so I have conceded to check and reply to my messages right before any scheduled departure from our house. You see, it takes Crystal quite a long time to take some clothes and put them in a bag. At the pace she is moving this morning, you can expect to receive something equivalent to Moby Dick. Not necessarily in content but in volume.

Last week we went to Aunt Cathy's "surprise" birthday party. You can only imagine the good times that ensued. You really are lucky to be as far away as gravity will allow. There were approximately 25 friends and family there including Auntie Dar and Uncle Teri (the Democrat haters), and Uncle Frank-O (complete with Cadillac SUV). I specifically sat in the seat facing the door just to stir things up and promised I would not move for anyone. But alas, when the time came, and it did, Uncle Frank-O casually worked out a way for me to move without actually saying, "I want everyone to think that I might be in the mafia and I'm going to do that by positioning myself in a way that a real mafia guy would if he were eating in a Chinese restaurant in Sacramento and was paranoid that someone might come in and shoot us. By doing this I will be ready for any action necessary even though I'm too fat and too slow to really do anything except send my sweet and sour pork back five times because I don't like pineapples. But, hey, don't worry, if you stick with me you'll be wearin' silk panties."

Cousin Ritchie has a new girlfriend. Her name is Marna. She told Auntie Dar that she was a Republican, but only because Auntie Dar made it seem like any other answer would have meant instant death. Auntie Dar's contact with the younger generation at the table ended there. And I was happy keeping the superficial banter to a minimum.

The party was actually pretty fun. It was a surprise party but when the "surprise" took place only 3 people actually said "surprise". Really. And they didn't yell or holler or anything. They said it. Slowly. It just kind of rolled out, as if in the middle of a conversation. As if two people had accidentally said it at the same time. "Oh, surprise Cathy, so anyway, as I was saying..." It was really quite uncanny. I suppose as you get older surprise parties need to be turned down a notch to reduce the risk of a heart attack. Then we went back to Aunt Cathy's house and played with the dogs, the cat, and the new Wu Tang Clan Sony Playstation game. I got all my limbs chopped off and my torso sliced in two.

I guess I should probably go now. I think traffic is going to be a real pain. Your last update was very exiting. I am truly jealous. Keep them coming and stay out of Cambodian trouble. Don't make Big Trouble in Little China. Don't have a Shanghai Noon or witness the Death of a Chinese Bookie. And don't eat the Hong Kong Fui. Okay, sorry. Anyway, try to keep in touch, if you can, and have fun.

Love, Bobby.